These last couple of months I have really been struggling to keep my head above water. It seems like whatever I try to accomplish be it eating healthily, maintaining a clean house, coming up with creative and fun lesson plans for my students, I am not having much success achieving any of it. This inability to do anything "right" has been a huge drain on my energy levels, and in turn has dragged me even further into a hole that I find hard to stick my head out of on most days.
I realize that most of the time, the reasons for my failures are a direct result of self sabotage. I find this especially true of trying to eat well and trying to be neat around the house. My intentions are good. I fall asleep at night determined to eat a healthy breakfast and throw in a load of laundry before I leave the house. But then I was up - late - because I have not slept well (for a million different reasons) and as I rush to get myself and Simon out the door on time breakfast becomes hot chocolate and whatever leftovers are in the teachers lounge at school. The laundry...well let's just say by the time I get home it has been forgotten...as I fret over the 3,000 other things I need to do around the house. This is where I become overwhelmed and shut down. And if I am lucky and Simon is napping, I curl up in a ball on the couch and try to catch up on precious sleep, instead of house work.
Now I know that I can take steps to prevent the teacher lounge scrounging and house work procrastination. I have already told you I am my own worst enemy, giving in to the lull of a nap instead of catching up on the necessary parts of my adult life.
Last Sunday, as I gorged on Chili and Wings from Hard Times Cafe in Alexandria - another impulsive albeit delicious misstep in my quest to be healthy - I read this tip on my smart phone from my FB "friend" Jillian Michaels:
Smart Tip: Most people sabotage themselves because they aren't mindful in the moment. Let your daily actions be governed by your goals & dreams. Whenever you are making an important decision first ask if it gets you closer to your goals or farther away. If the answer is closer, pull the trigger. If it's farther away make a different choice. Conscious choice making is a critical step in making your dreams a reality.
Now I wouldn't qualify eating lunch as an important decision per se but it is a decision I have to make every day and in the end it does affect my well being and my long term goal of being healthy. I loved this tip and have been thinking about it all week as I went about my days eating unhealthy meals and avoiding housework.
So this morning I made a conscious decision to try and actually stop and ask myself if what I am doing is going to help me get closer to or farther away from my long term goals. Because I do sabotage so many aspects of my life I think that it is going to be a very rock road for the next few weeks or at least until I get some tangible results from this decision. For this I apologize to my friends in advance.
So if you happen to see me talking to myself I am probably trying to talk myself out of having Thai food for lunch or skipping the gym to go to Starbucks. Just ignore me...or even better...remind me of my choice to live in mindfully in the moment. And I highly recommend looking up Jillian's FB page and friending her - the advice she gives a great - now if only I would follow it!